My Two Blessings and the One I Carry In My Heart
Motherhood is a funny thing. It brings happiness, sadness, enjoyment, and frustrations. Motherhood is the most rewarding job on the planet most days, but it is also the hardest. Sometimes we must step back and remember the moments that made it all worthwhile.
What better way to celebrate Mother’s Day than to remember the day it all began? The day I became a mother to each of my children and the day my heart ached for the one I lost. I am choosing to remember the beginning, the change they brought and the new experiences they presented. Each so different and so unique. Each one forever changing my life.
The First Time I Became a Mom: July 1996
I arrived at The Woman’s Pavilion at 5:00 AM ready to be induced because my baby girl wasn’t getting the nourishment she needed from me. They hooked me up to the machines and started my Pitocin drip. My contractions were shooting off the page but nothing happened. Despite the Pitocin, she had other plans. I had only dilated three centimeters in 24 hours and she simply was NOT budging! After laboring for over 60 hours, I was exhausted. I just couldn’t do it any longer. I couldn’t go home, so a cesarean section was my only option. It was the first lesson she taught me, despite your best-laid plans, children change them. You learn to go with the flow. Sixty-three hours after going to the hospital, I was finally a mom. She was perfect, weighing 5 lbs. 7.6 oz. and 18 ½ inches long. The first girl in a long time in a family of mostly boy, she was immediately everyone’s baby. It was like nothing I could have ever imagined. All my angst and fear just faded away. I knew that I had to be the best person I could be for her. She was my new motivation. She still is today.
Each day I am amazed by her ability to see the world through her own eyes and live life outside the box. It hasn’t always been easy because she was that child that bucked the system. She was determined to do things her way regardless of the outcome. Today I celebrate her for teaching me to be loving and accepting of things that don’t fit into my plans. She is my forever baby girl.
The Heart Ache: November 2007
Fast forward 11 years., I was expecting again after many years of trying. I had concluded another child wasn’t in the cards for me. I had accepted the fact that my baby girl would be an only child forever. I was excited and shared the news with friends and family, but just as quickly as I shared the news, my joy faded. I miscarried…….
And Then There Were Two: January 2009
Fast forward again. After months of depression, I was finally starting to heal. I was pregnant again. The thoughts started to plague my mind…. how long will this last? Should I even get excited? Do I tell my husband? Finally, I had made it to four months and decided to share the news with family and friends.
After a long and painful pregnancy, my rainbow baby boy entered this world at 7 lbs. 5 oz. and 21 ½ inches long! I didn’t think I had room in my heart to love another human as much as I loved my baby girl. Boy, was I wrong! He came into this world and stole all our hearts. As I lay in recovery unable to see or hold him, just waiting in anticipation. In swoops his big sister, she was the first to hold him. Their bond has been inseparable ever since.
No matter where we go, what time of day, or the occasion, he is always there with hugs, smiles and lots of laughs. Today I celebrate how he has taught me to be thoughtful of others, love without question, and how to empathize with the world running by.
These two loves could not be more different, more unique, and more perfect than they are.
As their mother, the one thing I hope to instill in my children is their love for each other. She is an excellent big sister and takes great care of her brother. She has been there on occasions when I couldn’t. She volunteers at his school, goes on field trips, has lunch with him and so much more. In return, he loves her unconditionally (he’s only 9).
I know that no matter where they are in the world they will always be there for each other. As their mother, I couldn’t ask for more. I am proud to be their mother.