My husband Victor recently brings up a what if moment! He says to me, “What if I had stayed in the Navy… I would be two years from retiring!” I give him a monotone stare. He continues “I mean think about it…where would I be…what would I be doing?” Again, a monotone stare. I mean I could bring up the same about what ifs!!! What if I didn’t agree to have children at the age of twenty-three, what if I didn’t agree to have a large family, what if I didn’t end my career in the United States Air Force for the sake of our family’s stability. What-if’s…ppfff.. we are in the here and now! Our family is a modern Brady Bunch. At times it is chaotic raising four boys, I get a few hours of sleep between nursing my teething twelve-month-old, trying to study for college classes late in the evening, getting up early to make sure the kids are fed and have what they need for school.
“Oh, no James… you missed the bus… lets’ go I will drive you to school!”
“Yes, Alex I will load your lunch account!”
“What! Gabriel, you need me to pay for your Busch Gardens trip because you forgot the deadline a week ago…ok on my way to your school!”
Then here comes the hustle and bustle of getting the kids to activities and playdates. Dinner is prepared on time, and I am rushing these kids off to get ready for bed…just to do it all over again!
I recall the sermon in church last Sunday as the Pastor speaks about the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you wish it was done unto you.” My life can be chaotic, but I did not grow up with a mother who made the sacrifices I make daily for my children for my family. Sacrifice that is what a mother’s love is. There are times in the midst of the chaos where my eight-year-old will say “twenty-second hug mom,” my twelve-year-old son will say “you look pretty today mom,” my thirteen-year-old will come up and hug me and tell me how much he appreciated me getting him into his eighth-grade trip last minute. In those moments, I feel true love, this is what I was meant for. I don’t bring up what-ifs…I only look forward to the “How can I” … How can I be a better mother and person for these kids to look up to and model? “How can I” show them what a marriage is supposed to be like, through respect, trust, and love. “How can I” foster the love for Christ and lead them to be genuinely good people. Through a mother’s love and my daily sacrifices can I live my chaotic life! “So…No, Victor I don’t know what-if, I just know now!”