A couple of months ago, I wrote about the last moment I had with my “first love”. Today would’ve been her 32nd birthday. I find myself wondering what life would be if she was here today. Would we be married? Would we have a daughter as I envisioned? I also find myself thinking about my part in her death. It kinda feels like that Staind video, “It’s Been Awhile”.
How I first came across this moment? I first saw the music video in the Summer of 2001 on MTV2.
What it meant to me then? It was one of the many music videos that would consistently play in the late hours on MTV2 after my closing shifts at Domino’s Pizza. I would kick back on my bed and write in Triumphs & Tribulations I while it played. Eventually, it caught on with me. It was a bit of a different sound I found myself listening to that summer alongside smash hits from Depeche Mode, Incubus, Matchbox Twenty, Gorillaz, Linkin Park, and 3 Doors Down.
What it means to me now? Today, on what would be Valorie’s birthday, I find myself feeling the emotions that Aaron Lewis felt in that music video. Well, not the addiction part but just about everything else. I miss her. Though I’ve tried my best to move forward in life, that’s a loss that still bothers me…especially on days like today.